Written By: Michelle, The Green-Mother
Today is my eldest son’s birthday. Xavier turned nine years old today. I am still struggling with the mixed emotions about the whole thing. He is growing up, and is no longer a “little one”. Before my very own eyes, he has turned into a little man with his own thoughts and opinions. What happened to the little boy that needed and wanted his Mommy constantly? How did the time pass so quickly?
Each day, I try to hang on to this little boy. I try to search for evidence that he is still my little baby. Instead, he has taught me that our relationship has changed. He still needs me, just in a different way.
I can’t quite wrap my brain around it yet, nor can I explain exactly how I feel. As we were walking around together today, he held my hand in public as we strolled around. Yes, in public! He has not done that in a long time time. Today, I think he knew in his heart how I have been feeling lately. It was a significant moment for me. I know this won’t be happening many more times, at least not in public.
It is a big step, for the both of us. He wants to be a “big boy”, and I keep trying to hang on to my “little boy”. I found a poem recently that I want to dedicate to him. Happy ninth Birthday Xavier. I love you.
Can I Carry You?
By Brad Anderson
I guess that I can hold you
one more time before you grow.
And tell you that I love you
so that you will always know.
Please let me tie your shoe again.
One day you’ll tie your own.
And when you think back to this time
I hope it’s love I’ve shown.
Can I help you put your coat on?
Can I please cut up your meat?
Can I pull you in the wagon?
Can I pick you out a treat?
One day you might just care for me,
so let me care for you.
I want to be a part
of every little thing you do.
Tonight could I please wash your hair?
Can I put toys in the bath?
Can I help you count your small ten toes
before I teach you math?
Please let me help you up the hill.
while you’re still too small to climb.
And let me read you stories
while you’re young and have the time.
I know the day will come
when you will do these things alone.
Will you recall the shoulder rides
and all the balls we’ve thrown?
I want you to grow stronger
than your mom could ever be.
And when you find success
there will be no soul more proud than me.
So will you let me carry you?
One day you’ll walk alone.
I cannot bear to miss one day
from now until you’ve grown.
Ohh..I don’t think I need to tell you that I cried the whole time writing this post.